Anger shows up as a friend, stays as an enemy
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Anger is like dynamite; it has a purpose. But, if it’s misused, it can cause major problems. It’s easy to get angry; it’s easy to stay angry because most of us never properly deal with that anger.
Anger is a God-given emotion
Anger is a God-given response to injustice. When an offense is committed against us our natural response is anger. Injustices are real.
Some Christians believe it is never appropriate to be angry, but I disagree. There are plenty of good reasons to get angry. Little children are sold to sex traffickers. That is reason for anger. Innocent people are killed by terrorists—reason for anger. Food intended for the poor and needy is diverted away from them by corrupt government officials—reason for anger. The list goes on; the list is long. Anybody who is paying attention at any level will sometimes get angry.
And that’s not a bad thing. The Apostle Paul writes, “Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.” (Ephesians 4:26-27 The Message) or my rendering: “Sure, you will get angry. Everybody does. But don’t let your anger turn into sin. Release it to God before the day ends. (Ephesians 4:26 DCR)
Jesus got angry. Throughout Matthew 23, Jesus expresses His anger at religious leaders who should be building bridges between the people and God, but were instead setting up roadblocks. In Mark 3:1-5, Jesus expresses anger at the religious leaders for not having enough sense to allow people to be healed on the Sabbath. And, of course, most people are familiar with Jesus driving out of the temple the people who were using the worship of God as an opportunity to gouge people for money (Matthew 21:12-13, etc.). Jesus was not always angry, but sometimes He was.
Anger is often based on truth, but not always
While many negative emotions such as fear, false shame, invalidation, powerlessness, abandonment, despair are usually based in lies we believe, anger often originates in truth. A real injustice has taken place. Someone has hurt us or hurt someone we love. This anger is based in truth.
However, not all anger is based in truth. Sometimes our perceptions are not accurate. What appears to be an injustice is actually not. For example, when someone gets angry with God, did God do anything wrong? No! But our skewed perspectives (lies, false beliefs) can make it look like He did something wrong. In this case, the anger is based on false beliefs, and the cure for that anger is a truth experience with Jesus. Another example. Suppose I hold a door open for a stranger. Most people would interpret that as an act of courtesy. But some might understand it as a sexist put down. Such a person would misread my true intentions, and become offended by my actions. In this case, that person’s anger would be based on a misread of what I was intending to convey. (Just to be clear, I hold the door open for men and women, young and old.)
- Truth-based anger: Anger at a true injustice
- Lie-based anger: Anger at God or anger at an imagined injustice
In addition, our anger can often be out of proportion to the offense. Yes, an offense took place, but our anger registers at an 8 out of 10, while the offense comes in at a 2 out of 10. This is where road rage and anger management issues come from. We’ll discuss why this happens later.
We can also become angry for sinful reasons
In our fallen condition, we often get angry for sinful reasons. The Old Testament prophet Jonah was sent to the pagan city of Nineveh to warn them of impending judgment. Jonah didn’t like the people of Nineveh. He really hoped that God would stick it to them. He wanted fire and brimstone to fall. In fact, he even camped outside the city to enjoy the show. But the people of Nineveh took God’s warning to heart. They humbled themselves. They responded to God’s message and changed their ways. As a result, God spared them, leaving Jonah furious. “I am angry enough to die,” he says to God. But God said to Jonah, “Why shouldn’t I care about them? There are many innocent children here. I don’t want them to suffer.”
We sometimes get angry because our own sinful desires are thwarted. Our pride is ruffled. Our ego gets in the way of our better judgment. We are unwilling to overlook an offense (Proverbs 19:11).
Paul, in his description of love, says, “It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV)
With this in mind, the New Testament writer James has this to say: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:19-20 NIV)
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus is even more blunt: “But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.” (Matthew 5:22 NLT)
Anger quickly rots; unresolved anger turns into sin
Anger can turn a nice person into a ticking time bomb.
While we may have a right to be angry when injustice is committed, we don’t have a right to remain angry. Hurt and anger were never intended to be long-term emotions. Yes, it was wrong for the bully to push us down on the playground, but if we’re still angry 40 years later, something is wrong.
Anger can become a sin if it gives birth to bitterness, resentment, malice, acts of rage, or violence.
Paul writes, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19 NIV)
How does righteous anger turn into sin? It happens when we hold on to anger instead of releasing it to God.
Remember what Paul writes: “And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.” (Ephesians 4:27 The Message)
While anger might be righteous, holding onto anger is not righteous, and it is not justified.
Why do we hang on to anger? We hang on to anger because we believe lies. Deep down, we believe that anger is serving us instead of destroying us. Those lies may be different for different people and for different situations, but they tend to sound something like this:
- If I stop being angry, then he (she) will get away with it.
- If I stop being angry, then no one will know how I’ve been hurt.
- If I stop being angry, then I’m saying it doesn’t matter.
- If I stop being angry, then the offender wins.
And so on. All of those beliefs (and more like them) are lies. But they can feel so very, very true.
Not forgiving and remaining angry is doing something for us. It is a solution. It is a solution to a problem that doesn’t exist, but it FEELS like it exists because deep down we believe lies.
So, what’s the answer? Should we just pretend we aren’t angry? Should we “fake it ‘til we make it”?
No. As we’ll see next time, that never works.
Instead, we need a truth experience with Jesus.
Example: Dad unjustly accused Mindy of stealing from him, and punished her. In this hypothetical example, Mindy didn’t steal from her dad. She was unjustly punished. Her response: anger. But why is she still angry decades later? Mindy looks around inside for what feels true, and discovers this gut-level belief: If I forgive my dad for this offense, then the truth will never be known; my character will never be vindicated. This is where Mindy needs a truth experience from Jesus. That may come in all different forms. It might be something as simple as a whisper from God’s Spirit: I know what really happened. But whatever that truth experience is, it will be transformational because she will no longer feel the need to hang onto that anger.
Questions:
- When (if ever) is it okay to be angry?
- When and how does anger become a sin?
- Why is it wrong to hang on to our anger?
- Why is it important to know why we are hanging on to our anger?
NEXT: Forgive with your eyes wide open: Why forgiveness has nothing to do with denial (Lesson #5)
“It wasn’t that bad.” “I’m not really that angry.” Sometimes what may sound pious and godly actually gets in the way of forgiving from our hearts.
Explore these related resources…
Questions? Stay with us; your questions will probably be answered. If not, there’s a link to our Facebook group in the last four lessons.
Scriptures for further study
Forgiving others commanded or referenced
(From the Lord’s prayer) And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:12, 14-15 NIV)
Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.[a] [a] Greek everyone who is indebted to us (Luke 11:4a NIV)
Jesus said, “Contain quarrels. If a Christian does something to harm you, go to him privately and resolve the problem. He may listen, apologize and make it right. If that happens, you have a friend. But if he won’t listen, take along one or two others because these witnesses can bring clarity to the situation. If he still refuses to listen, then bring it up to the church. If he won’t listen to the church, then he’s made himself like an outsider, and you’ll need to treat him as such.
“Understand the truth: Your connection with Me gives you incredible power. When your purposes are aligned with Mine, you can open and close doors in the unseen spiritual world just as you do in your every day life. When two or three of you pray, desiring My name to be advanced, I’m standing right beside you.”
Peter then asked, “Master, how many times should I forgive a brother who hurts me? Seven times?”
Jesus answered, “No, instead seventy times seven.
“It’s like this: A king wanted to settle debts with people who owed him money. One of his subjects owed him well over $400 million (375 tons of silver or even gold). He couldn’t pay; so the king proposed liquidating the man’s estate and then selling him, his wife and his children as slaves. The debtor fell to the ground pleading, ‘Give me time. Give me time. I’ll find a way to pay it all back.’ The king had compassion on this man and decided to cancel the debt. Then the man who had his debt canceled found someone who owed him money, about four months wages. He grabbed him by the throat and said, ‘Where’s my money?’ The man fell to the ground and begged him, ‘Give me time. Please give me time and I’ll pay it all.’ But he refused. Instead, he had him thrown into debtors’ prison to be kept until the debt was paid. When the other subjects witnessed this, they went and told the king everything. The king had the man summoned. He said, ‘You evil man! I canceled your debt when you pleaded with me. Why didn’t you have compassion on the man who owed you money?’ Then the king handed the man over to be tortured in prison until every bit of his debt was paid. This is how My Father in heaven will treat you if you don’t forgive your fellow Christian from your heart.” Matthew 18:15-35 DCR
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. (Mark 11:25 NIV)
Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. (Luke 6:37 NIV)
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32 NIV)
Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8 I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. 9 Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. 10 Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, 2 Corinthians 2:7-10 NIV (see 1 Corinthians 5:1-13 for context)
Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them. (Luke 17:4 NIV)
Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9 NLT
If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven. (John 20:23 NIV)
Jesus’ example
Jesus healed one of the men who arrests Him
And one of them struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his right ear. 51 But Jesus answered, “No more of this!” And he touched the man’s ear and healed him. (Luke 22:50-51 NIV) (See also Matthew 26:51-54, Mark 14:47, John 18:10-11)
Jesus forgave from the cross
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”[a] And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. [a] Some early manuscripts do not have this sentence. (Luke 23:34 NIV)
Anger
Sure, you will get angry. Everybody does. But don’t let your anger turn into sin. Release it to God before the day ends. (Ephesians 4:26 DCR)
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. (Proverbs 19:11 NIV)
[Love] does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV)
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. (James 1:19-20 NIV)
[Jesus said,] But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.” (Matthew 5:22 NLT)
Sometimes God does NOT forgive
Sometimes prophets ask God NOT to forgive people. Examples: Isaiah 2:8-9, Jeremiah 18:23. And sometimes God chooses not to forgive. Examples: Hosea 1:6, Matthew 12:32
Yet God wants all to repent
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9 NIV)
And our enemy is not human
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:12 NIV)
Blood atonement and forgiveness
This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. (Matthew 26:28 NIV)
In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness. (Hebrews 9:22 NIV)
