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If you marry my daughter, you are being commissioned by God for the most important assignment you will ever receive. Part of my role as her father is to ask you point blank if you’re ready.

I need to know that my daughter will always be safe with you—physically safe—emotionally safe—safe to be who she really is—financially safe—spiritually safe. We all need to know that any children who come into your family will likewise always be completely safe with you.

There are drives and desires inside you—just as there are inside all of us—that could destroy marriage. I need to know that you have mastered them—that they no longer control you.

Your wife needs to know that she has no competition, that you have eyes only for her, that your heart belongs to her. We live in a culture where we are surrounded by women who are crying out for attention in the way they dress and the way they present themselves. Your task is to redirect that attention to the woman you have chosen. It is the privilege and responsibility of a husband to discover and explore, celebrate and affirm his wife’s hidden beauty. Let your wife’s beauty captivate you to your dying day. Guard your heart. Make no provision for the flesh. None.

Marriage is a relationship of trust; show yourself to be trustworthy.

There will be days when your wife drives you up a wall. In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your wrath. Be a man of mercy. Take the high road. Bring your hurt and anger to God, and bring His peace back into your family.

Remember that your words have the power of life and death; your words have the power to harm and to heal. Speak words of life and healing over your family always.

Learn your wife’s Love Language and speak it fluently.

Respect the woman you marry. Treat her as she is: God’s daughter, holy and precious to Him, fragile yet eternal, your partner through life. Learn from her. God has deliberately made you dense in areas where she is insightful. He did this so you would humble yourself, listen to her, and learn.

There are people and forces outside marriage that would rob you, your wife and your family of all that is sacred and holy—everything of value. Yes, God is our Defender. But you are your wife’s defender, and a man will lay down his life if necessary to protect and defend his wife and his children.

Will you ever completely understand your wife? No. But you will understand her better each passing day if you make the effort. Make the effort. She’s worth it.

Not that many years ago, I was a young man in love. I know that feeling well. I also know that marriage isn’t for cowards. It’s for men who have the courage and perseverance to go the distance.

It is the way of things that I will get weaker, and you will get stronger. My body will fall; yours will remain. So the baton goes to you. Are you ready?

Dwight Clough

PS. Since I have two daughters, this letter is addressed to two potential future sons-in-law, but it’s easier to write in the singular.

Photo credit: Adapted from a photo by Edmund Garman, Flickr, Creative Commons License

Thank God for small miracles.

Most of my life I’ve been terrified of dogs. Exactly why, I don’t know. My mind can tell me that most dogs are friendly; that you can survive a dog bite; that very few dogs are really dangerous; that if you aren’t afraid of them, they will most likely leave you alone; and so on. But all of those pep talks disappeared whenever I got into the presence of a barking dog. Instead, I froze, paralyzed by fear.

Over the years, little by little, the Lord has been driving fear out of my heart. It hasn’t been some big explosive encounter with God that left me absolutely fearless, but rather a little here, a little there. As fears arise, when I have the sense to do it, I take them to the Lord so He can deal with them.

One day I took a short walk in a large park. The area I walk in is usually deserted—it borders a farm and few people seem to know about it—a perfect place to pray. As I was walking along, a woman with two dogs approached from the opposite direction. While we were still quite a ways away from each other, one of the dogs broke from her side and came charging at me. When it got to me, it started nipping at my fingers.

In the past, I would have been beside myself. But I stood there, mildly annoyed, thinking to myself, I shouldn’t have to put up with this. I raised my voice loud enough for the woman to hear me, “Would you please take your dog’s teeth off my hands!”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, “he has a thing about gloves.”

Fine. I put my gloved hands in my coat pocket and stood there waiting for her to retrieve her dog. A couple minutes later, she and her dogs were gone.

I took stock. I wasn’t shaking. My heart wasn’t pounding. I didn’t feel any emotion of fear. I was still a bit annoyed that this woman did not have enough courtesy to leash a dog that she did not have under voice command, but, otherwise, I was at peace.

Little by little, God works. Jesus usually doesn’t drive enemies like fear and shame out of our lives all at once. He does it a bit at a time, until He has taken full possession of the land. (Exodus 23:30)

Meanwhile, let’s celebrate these small miracles He brings our way!

Remember, you are designed to make a difference!

Dwight

Photo credit: Adapted from a photo by Katie Brady, Flickr, Creative Commons License

One day the kitchen drain started backing up. This was a problem, but feeling a new wave of confidence, I dumped three bottles of drain opener down the sink. This did not solve the problem. Then I put on rubber gloves and took the trap apart under the sink. This did not solve the problem. I found a hand crank drain opener and snaked down the pipes. This did not solve the problem. I went to the rental store and rented a 25-foot electric snake.

I should have known I was going to have trouble with it when the 250-pound guy who was showing me how to use it almost fell over when he turned it on. But, crazy me, I took it home anyway, and tried to stuff it down the drain pipe.

It was a noble experiment in incompetence, but the drain did not open. Then I moved to the dreaded last resort—I called a plumber.

He was a nice guy.

I know how much plumbers like large numbers when they write up their bills, so I tried breaking down his resistance. I chatted pleasantly with him. We took his picture next to the three bottles of drain opener I dumped down the sink. I offered him dessert. And I gave him an autographed copy of one of my books. Meanwhile, he snaked his way through 25 feet of pipe. Then he rebuilt the trap which was out of code. We turned on the water. It ran and ran and ran—a beautiful sight until we opened the basement door and discovered water everywhere.

This was not a good thing.

“Yep,” he said, “probably need a jackhammer to get at that pipe going through the concrete wall. Good thing it isn’t load bearing. Expect this one to definitely be more than a week’s paycheck.”

Of course, he doesn’t have any idea what a week’s paycheck is for me, and I didn’t want to discourage him by telling him.

He put in a temporary patch and told us not to use the water for a while. Then he asked if we wanted him to mail a bill or write one up before he left. I asked him how much it would be for the work he had done so far. He gave me a ballpark amount.

“Mail it,” I said. “Definitely, mail it.”

I think this is why I like the prayers of Moses so much. “Why have You brought this trouble upon Your servant? What have I done to displease You?” I can relate. But, you know, I wish you could see me. I’m laughing.

If we didn’t have these little adventures with God, how boring our lives would be. So let me encourage you to join me—enjoy the journey—it all turns out okay in the end.

Remember, you are designed to make a difference!

Dwight

Photo credit: Plumber photo adapted from photo by MoToMo, Flickr, Creative Commons License

All our human inclination drives us to make plans for our own survival and success, to engineer our lives, to fix our problems, to determine our own destiny.

Then we find this verse in the Bible: Whether by day or by night, whenever the cloud lifted, they set out. Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days or a month or a year, the Israelites would remain in camp and not set out; but when it lifted, they would set out. Numbers 9:21-22

Along comes God and plants us in the wilderness—not just for a day, but for days on end, tedious and monotonous days of going nowhere. About the time we finally accept our wilderness assignment, about the time we settle into the routine and get comfortable, the cloud lifts and we move on, not really knowing where we will be going.

Why the wilderness? Why the chaos of a life we cannot control? Why the right turn, left turn, move forward, move back—a dance without a destination? Why?

Generations later, believers would ask each other: What was it like to see the glory of the Lord? What was it like to eat the bread from heaven? What was it like to know the leading of the Lord so clearly? What was it like to have God Himself inside the camp?

I don’t have all the answers here, but it seems to me that sometimes God disconnects us from our dreams and our schemes so He can have us—just us—to Himself. Is it really a dance without a destination? Or if we are in the arms of the One who loves us, is it possible that we have already arrived?

Remember, you are designed to make a difference!

Dwight

Photo credits: Dance meme adapted from photo by Bonita Suraputra, Flickr, Creative Commons License, girl photo meme adapted from a photo by Hans Clough

The 89 verses of Numbers chapter 7 are, to the Western reader, tedious and repetitive. Each of the twelve leaders brought the same hardware, livestock and miscellany. Yet each is mentioned by name together with a list of everything he brought. The same list of offerings is repeated twelve times. I find myself thinking—this should be a chart, a table or a spreadsheet. Throw in some photos and a Westerner could grab the essential meaning in about three seconds.

But it’s preserved like this instead—89 verses.

Perhaps God is making a point. Maybe He’s saying that everybody’s contribution is recorded even yours and even mine. What we have to offer God may seem mundane and it may seem common, but not to God. He pauses, He ponders, He lingers over your offering and mine.

A few years ago, to help make ends meet, every morning I got up at 4:30 to clean a bowling alley. Not what I envisioned when I graduated from college. This was troubling me, so I talked with the Lord about it. His response deeply touched me: “What you do might not be valued highly in man’s sight, but I see everything you do, and I receive it as an offering of love to me. I value it, and that’s what matters.”

That’s what matters.

Remember, you are designed to make a difference!

Dwight

Photo credits: Work meme adapted from photo by K?rlis Dambr?ns, Flickr, Creative Commons License, girl photo meme adapted from a photo by Hans Clough

What does peace mean to you?

Peace is a simple word, but it evokes in each of us a different story, a different search. For me, peace means I can actually relax. That may sound hedonistic to some, but I’ll stand by that answer. For years I was tense day and night, waking and sleeping. Peace means I no longer shake when I’m sitting at a kitchen table. I’m no longer tense when I sit down to talk to someone. I don’t feel the need to drive fast, cut off other drivers and get out in front. I can laugh at myself, and I’m usually okay even if someone else joins in the laughter. Peace means I’m not looking over my shoulder any more. It means that I enjoy my wife and kids, and things that made me blow up or sit up until three in the morning just aren’t issues for me any more.

Because of God’s work in my life, peace is spreading through my soul. Yes, there is still unconquered territory of fear and shame—but I’ve tasted what the LORD brings and I like it.

What about you? What is the journey into peace looking like for you?

From the Bible:
The LORD turn His face toward you
and give you peace.
Numbers 6:26

Remember, you are designed to make a difference!

Dwight

Photo credits: Flower meme adapted from photo by Moyan Brenn, Flickr, Creative Commons License, girl photo meme adapted from a photo by Hans Clough

Some time later the brook dried up because there had been no rain in the land. Then the word of the LORD came… 1 Kings 17:7-8

I want to focus on the word “Then.”

Brooks don’t dry up overnight. The water level fell, little by little, and Elijah is just like us—he could see that God’s plan for his provision wasn’t going to last much longer.

What’s it like being a prophet, getting these great words from the Lord?

Before the great Mount Carmel showdown, here’s the prophet Elijah, watching the brook slowly dry up. Water levels drop. What was clear sparkling water is now clouded, sandy, muddy. Then one morning Elijah wakes up, and the stream bed is dry. Sure, there might be a canteen or water bottle, but the water will only last for two or three days.

All the time, the same enemy who lies to you and me is planting little thoughts in Elijah’s mind. What kind of God do you serve? Look, He’s forgotten about you. You are a faithful prophet, but what do you get for a reward—nothing but muddy water! Those ravens who bring you bread and meat are going to return to pick your bones clean. You must have done something to displease God. Why isn’t He speaking to you? God doesn’t want to talk to you. You’ve flunked out as a prophet. And so on.

Why did God let the brook dry out?

We can point to many reasons—the widow who needed saving, the son who needed to be raised from the dead, the reality of the famine…but I would like to suggest that the big reason was to get Satan’s lies out of the table so God could deal with them once and for all in Elijah’s experience. The man who faced down 850 false prophets on Mount Carmel was being built at the brook.

If you’re in a lingering mess that just keeps getting a little worse every day, why? There may be many reasons, but here’s a big one: God is getting the devil’s lies out on the table so He can deal with them.

Let’s keep in mind while we linger here at the brook: Mount Carmel is coming. Some day the fire of God will fall. (Read 1 Kings 17 & 18.)

Remember, you are designed to make a difference!

Dwight

Photo credits: Desert meme adapted from photo by Bob Wick, Bureau of Land Management, Flickr, Creative Commons License, girl photo meme adapted from a photo by Hans Clough

If the enemy can inspire us to hate our neighbor, then he has won. This is why we turn all the debts owed to us over to Jesus. Then we can bless and not curse. (Romans 12:14)

If, somehow, you owed me $100,000 and you couldn’t pay—it would wipe me out to cancel the debt. In the same way, the evil done to us is so great that the perpetrators cannot afford to make restitution and we cannot afford to forgive. Yet we must forgive. What do we do?

We bring those debts to Jesus. Only Jesus can restore what was stolen from us. When we let go, He mends and heals what was broken and restores what was taken. Only He can take the hate from us and replace it with love.

Christianity is impossible. That’s why we have a Savior.

From the Bible
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. Matthew 6:12 NIV

Remember, you are designed to make a difference!

Dwight

Photo credits: Sunrise meme adapted from a photo by Anne J.?, Flickr, Creative Commons License, girl photo meme adapted from a photo by Hans Clough

“Whoa!” said the dragon (or serpent). “Don’t you believe it! You won’t die.” Genesis 3:4 The Easy Bible

God steps aside, the evil one steps forward and lies to the innocent.

We must understand that this is going to happen. It has happened to each of us. It happens to our children. As my children were growing up, I often saw pain or behavior in them (and in myself) that resulted from lies that slipped in.

For example, for a while one of my children got a stomach ache just before Wednesday night church. Why does this happen? Very simple. The enemy planted a lie. There was a belief that created that pain.

Eve was gullible. And so are children. If the enemy can tell them that they are not worthwhile, that they cannot be loved, that something bad is going to happen, or whatever, he will, and they will often believe it.

We lost our innocence. But that doesn’t mean that God has lost. With our eyes wide open, fully aware of our own nakedness, we go back to God. He clothes us, and He tells us the truth.

That’s what makes the difference. God Himself tells us the truth. And, when He does, lies lose their power in our lives.

Remember, you are designed to make a difference!

Dwight

Photo credits: Road/sky meme adapted from a photo by davebloggs007, Flickr, Creative Commons License

Below is a paraphrase of a famous scripture passage. Can you identify it?

Your freedom is uppermost in my mind; I don’t let slave traders hold hands with you. Keep in mind: There are bullies who would abuse you. That’s why I won’t entrust your protection to anything you can create. Understand that I love you, passionately, and I don’t want anybody stealing you away from Me. I treat you with care; I expect you to treat Me with reverence.

I guard your dignity. It is a treat to stop and survey a job well done, to work hard and then take a break to celebrate life. It’s more than a treat; it’s a gift I have built into the rhythm of creation. Dignity belongs to all: the young and old, the rich and poor, the powerful and the misunderstood, the minorities and the oppressed.

I guard your life. I guard your marriage. I guard your property. I uphold justice and truth. I strengthen families, and give parents wisdom to pass on to their children. Stick with me and you will live a life rich in satisfaction and free from discontent.

Okay, that’s the passage. Can you guess what is it is?

?

If you guessed the Ten Commandments, you’re right! It’s a paraphrase of Exodus 20:2-17.

Hidden inside these familiar verses are wonderful truths about the character and love of God. God cares about and protects our freedom, our dignity, our relationship with Him, our lives, our marriage, our property, justice, satisfaction and contentment.

From the Bible
[A good man] delights in God’s law and ponders it day and night. Psalm 1:2 The Easy Bible

Remember, you are designed to make a difference!

Dwight

PS. Are you getting my daily email?

Photo credits: Mountain photo meme adapted from a photo by Philby, Flickr, Creative Commons License, girl photo meme adapted from a photo by Hans Clough