Forgiving other people who have hurt us is never easy—I struggle with it just like you do. But it is important. God commands it so we can be free of bitterness and resentment. All the citizens of heaven have forgiven one another, so we cannot live there until we forgive.
But let’s first clear up some misconceptions:
Forgiving does not mean we condone the offense. Sin is sin, and forgiving someone who sins against us does not make their sin okay. Forgiving someone does not exempt them from appropriate legal consequences. Nor does it exempt them from the need to repent before God. Forgiving is not a way to minimize or explain away the offense.
Forgiving does not invite an abuser back into our lives. If, for example, you are a victim of domestic violence, forgiving does not mean you invite the perpetrator to come back and assault you all over again. Forgiving makes reconciliation possible, but reconciliation cannot take place until trust is restored.
When we forgive, we give our anger and our quest for justice over to God and trust Him to take care of it. When we forgive, we are in essence saying to the offender: I don’t need anything from you in order to be okay; God is the one who makes me okay. (And, no, it’s not always necessary to tell the offender that you have forgiven him or her.)
With all that in mind, I want to suggest a simple hack that might help you forgive someone you don’t feel like forgiving:
Find a quiet place where you can be alone and uninterrupted, and complete this sentence:
Father in Heaven, I would forgive, but…
The key here is to be 100% honest with yourself and with God—even if the rest of the sentence sounds crazy to your logical mind.
And then this follow up:
God, what do You want me to know?
Then wait. See what God brings into focus for you.
This works because God removes the false beliefs that get in the way of us forgiving. Does it always work? No, sometimes there are complications that you need to unravel.
More in a video I recently posted.
Be encouraged!
Dwight
